


Lesser Of Two Evils

by catchingadri (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Blood, Gen, Negative Thoughts, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, self hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 13:33:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/catchingadri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long time alcoholic, Roxy finally had decided to drop the bad habit. But is it worth it if the alcohol was helping deal with something far worse? When nobody seems to care, why bother staying? It isn't like anyone would care, at least in Roxy's mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lesser Of Two Evils

**Author's Note:**

> This first part is quite short, mostly just a preface for the rest of the story. Though most of the warnings listed are because of this chapter.

_They all hate you_.

It was back. The voice in my head. The one I tried to drown out but it always came back without fail.

 _Nobody cares_.

That couldn’t be right, could it? I mean, Jane and Jake and Dirk acted like they cared. But maybe that was just an act. Maybe that had gotten tired of me and realized how much they really hated me.

God I am pathetic. Lying about, home alone, left with only my thoughts for company. I had been trying so hard to stay sober and I was dealing. But without the numbing effects of alcohol, those thoughts could creep back in, reaching out with their poisoning presence.

_You are a worthless, pathetic excuse of a human being._

But was it really worth it? My alcohol addiction was a problem… but if it was helping? Should I trade one evil for another? At least with alcohol I could be happy. These thoughts wouldn’t plague me. But I promised them I would try….

_You failed to protect her. Instead you killed her._

That wasn’t my fault! She… it was an accident. I mean, we may not have gotten along all the time, but I cared about her. How could I not? She was my mother. Even if we didn’t always get along I never would have wanted her dead.

God was giving up alcohol really the best option? The better of the two evils? _No_ , I decided. I got up from the table, slowly making my way to the cabinet. It had been closed since I went cold turkey. But now, for the first time in months, I was going to be surrounded by the delicious poison I had so long denied myself.

The first bottle opened. I threw my head back, tasting the forbidden substance. Good lord how had I stayed away from it so long? But it quickly became empty. Throwing it to the ground, it shattered on the floor but I was long past caring.

How long I stayed there and how much I consumed were lost in my mind. At last, I finally stopped, intoxicated beyond anything I had ever been before. My body felt weak. I stumbled, falling into the pile of glass from the shattered bottles. Tears dripped down my face as I realized what I had done. I pulled myself up using the cabinet. Drunkenly, I took a few steps to the medicine cupboard. Blood was dripping down my arms, but I felt no pain. But at least I couldn’t hear those thoughts anymore.

Where were they? I frantically searched through the cupboard for them, but the words on the bottles were swimming, hurting my head even worse. Finally I found it. The recognizable bottle of sleeping pills I used countless times when my thoughts were at their worse. I had never considered they could be used for something more… sinister. Combined with alcohol, the innocuous little pills could be deadly. I hesitated for a brief moment.

_Should I… Yes._

I fumbled with the cap, finally getting it off. Fortunately, the bottle was still three fourths of the way full. I poured them out onto the counter, before taking several of them and swallowing them. Over and over I repeated the process, before there were eventually none left.

Stumbling back to the table, I grabbed my phone. Selecting all three of my friends, I sent them a single message. Smiling contentedly, I leaned back, finally ready. After so long, it would be over. I welcomed the darkness as it pulled me down, finally free.


End file.
